英语幽默故事：独自在家

　　My wife will go to any extreme to keep people from,knowing she is home alone. One evening when I was working late，my wife heard a knock on the door. She ignosed it,but the knocing continued. Frantic，sloe began to bark,softly at first，then louder and louder. Much to her relief,the knocking soon stopped.

　　我妻子独自在家时，总是不想让别人知道家里没有其他的人。一天晚上，我工作到很晚。我妻子听到有人敲门，她就没理，但敲门的声音总是不停，慌乱之中，她开始学狗叫。一开始她低声地叫，随后她的叫声越来越大。敲门声很快地停了，她这才松了口气。

　　The next day the paper boy came to the door to collect.”I came by last night,”he told me,”but I left when your wife barked at me!”

　　第二天，送报的小孩来我家收钱，那小孩告诉我:“我昨晚上就来了，你老婆冲我学狗叫，我就走了。”

英语幽默故事：彼得的长相决定了分数

　　One semester when my brother, Peter，attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis，an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter’s portait for a class.assignment. Peter agreed，and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.

　　我兄弟彼得在明尼阿波利斯的明尼索达大学上学时，有一个学期，他的一位学艺术的朋友问他是否可以用他做素描的模特作为课堂作业。彼得同意了。那位艺术生画完了，就把肖像交给了老师。他只得了一个C-.

　　The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.”The head is too big，”the professor explained.”The shoulders are too wide， and the feet are enormous.”

　　那位艺术生找到教授问为什么他的分数这么低。教授告诉他肖像中的比例失调，教授说:“脑袋太大，肩太宽，脚也过于大了。”

　　The next day,the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one Look at my brother.”Okay, A minus. “he said.

　　第二天，那位艺术生带彼得见教授，教授看了我兄弟一眼，并说:“好，可以得A-。”

英语幽默故事：狗也知道这个谚语吗?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

　　”It’s all right,” said a gentleman, “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”

　　“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：爱叫的狗狗不咬人。”

　　”Ah, yes,” answered the little boy. “I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?”

　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”